Swoon
by jane vain
Summary: Spinner knows how he feels about Marco... right? rated M for later chapters, just in case
1. Chapter 1

When I found out he was gay, I was scared.

He was my friend; how was I going to react? I thought I knew what there was to know. I thought we were as close—as intimate—as friends could be. And I missed it. And I was scared. I was stupid then.

And things changed. I ran away from him, more than once. He told me I wasn't his type. He said I smelled, and I think he even called me unattractive. I don't blame him.

But that was years ago. YEARS. And he got a boyfriend and I had girlfriends, and I assume we both had lots of sex. That changed. The thing that guys are supposed to talk about with other guys, about the sex they're having, and with who, I couldn't tell him. I knew he wouldn't want to know, and I certainly didn't want to know about **his **sex life, whatever it consisted of.

And then he showed up at my door one night. Crying. He finally broke up with his asshole boyfriend, like I always sort of thought he should, and he was crying. Awkwardly, woodenly, the way he says I do things when I'm uncomfortable, I let him in, told him to sit down. My parents and my sister were out. I'd kind of been looking forward to being alone for a change, but there he was.

He sat there for awhile, sobbing like the world was ending, and I couldn't do anything. I sat, weirdly, at the far end of the couch, not even asking if he was all right. I knew in my head that I'd probably regret that later, but there was nothing better I could think of to do.

He lifted his head from his hands finally. "Spin?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell me it's going to be all right."

He looked small, sort of sank back into the couch, folded into himself. Like a girl. The way Paige had looked before, the way Manny always sort of looked, the way Darcy never, ever looked the whole time we were together.

"Dude, it's gonna be fine. Dylan was, what, like your first boyfriend or something? Who stays with their first boyfriend?"

"I know."

And it was strange, you know, sitting there like that. Talking that way. We hadn't really talked seriously in awhile, not since we were kids. I tossed him the remote.

"Here. Find something good on TV."

He smiled that little half-smile, his teeth straight and white. But there was nothing on, really, and eventually he started talking again. "Spin?"

"Yeah, Marco?"

"Have you ever really been in love?"

"Sure. Lots of times."

He sighed. "No, I mean really. Like, did you ever feel like the world just began and ended with one person? Like you would die if you couldn't have them?"

"Not really like that, I guess."

"Oh."

He looked at me again, the way he had before. And something stirred inside of me, that old feeling of friendship, I supposed.

"Spin? I miss you."

"Yeah. I, uh, miss you too, Marco…" It came out funny. The way things come out funny when I'm nervous, only I didn't really know what the hell I was nervous about.

Except that I did.

He was looking at me the way I'd always been afraid he would look at me. Head sort of cocked to the side, biting the corner of his lip. The air in the room changed. I couldn't really move for a minute, and then I quickly reached over to grab the remote and try to change something—ANYTHING—about what was happening.

But, oh, Marco, he was just as quick. He leaned toward me as I leaned toward him, and caught me by the wrist. Looked at me with his red-rimmed eyes, briefly, and then closed them and his lips were on mine, and, oh, I was almost in heaven.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up the next morning with serious wood. Like I hadn't experienced in awhile.

Check the clock. 11:13. Marco was gone. He left last night. We drank so much, it's hard to even remember...

I had to meet Paige at the mall at noon. She would know. She always knows when something happens, and now, God, she's LIVING with Marco, and she's going to know. I'm not even sure **I** know exactly what happened. I got dressed and brushed my teeth and tried not to think about it.

"Hey, hon!" She jumped up from her chair in the food court and wrapped her arms around me for a second.

"Hey, Paige. What's goin on?"

"Oh, you know. Busy with things. New job, all of that. I just thought we'd, you know, have some coffee, catch up on things..." She shrugged a little, moving her hair and her scarf. Smiled that smile while she pushed a coffee cup closer to me. God, that smile. "So. What's new with you, hon? Haven't really had a chance to talk much lately."

"Uh, yeah. You know. Not a lot." I nodded my head. That always seems safe.

"Marco said you guys were hanging out last night. Anything fun happen?"

"No!" I exclaimed, and immediately regretted it. "I mean, not a lot."

She smiled again. She had to know.

We sat there sort of weirdly for a minute. She drank her coffee. I looked at mine. I could see my reflection waving around inside of it, and I smiled.

"Paige, um--"

"Oh, hon, let me show you this shirt I got for Dylan. Tell me it isn't the greatest."

She held up a shirt from some trendy store, like I'd care at all. But I pretended it mattered just because she mattered. (Why couldn't she ever see that?)

"That's... the greatest. I think he'll like it."

With a satisfactory grin, she put it back into her shopping bag. Well, one of her shopping bags. She had about half a dozen, and it was only just a little after noon. I wondered where she was getting all her money, and if she should really be spending it like that, but figured it wasn't really my business anymore. And besides that, I had something pressing a little harder on the front of my mind.

"So. How are things going with Alex?" I finally asked.

"We broke up a few days ago."

Oops. That wasn't what she was supposed to say. I hoped I wasn't going to have to comfort her or anything. And when I start thinking like that, awkward thoughts, I sometimes blurt things out that I don't really mean to say. Something, anything, to distract.

"What was it like being a lesbian?"

"SPIN!" She did that thing I like-- closed her eyes, shook her head a little, like she was trying to shake the question out of existence.

"What?"

I had to play dumb. I had to pretend that it wasn't what I'd been meaning to ask her the whole time. Like I wasn't trying to sort out my own shitty feelings. Like she might not be the only person in the world I could possibly talk to about Marco.

"ANYway. Me and Marco and Ellie are going out to play pool or something tonight. You wanna come with?"

Absolutely not. I am not ready for this. I can't see him again.

"Hell, yeah. Sounds good."


End file.
